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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Mommy's Have Melt Downs Too Ya Know.

Hi all... I know its been ages and ages since I posted a real post...here...
and I'm hesitant whether or not I really want to share all of this, since I usually stick with the silly, the fluffy, the light hearted...  

I know I've mentioned before that Connor has been getting speech services since age 2. I also know I don't really talk about it all too often. He was  Diagnosed with apraxia... to understand more, click on the link- but in a nutshell, its a motor planning delay - his brain is ready to say what he wants, but his muscles, his mouth muscles can't quite make the "shapes" fast enough. As a result, a lot of what he says can be very difficult to understand, he doesn't use full length sentences, proper grammar etc (relative to other kids his age w/out speech concerns. No we don't really expect proper grammar )
He used to be less than 25% intelligible if you were a relative stranger, and even then, I had to translate for family members a lot. He has come so far, and is getting easier and easier to understand - but there are still lots of things he says to me I don't get on the first try, or second...

Well, he's made a LOT of progress, considering at age 2 he didn't speak, barely said "mmm" to point to something... he talks my ear off now! (now, its not articulated correctly, but baby steps, right?!)

Anyway, lately I've been really noticing that hes trying to sing along to songs on the radio, his movies etc... but, he just can't. He can't keep up with the beat... he is really a positive kid and has a great attitude so he doesn't seem to be affected by this -  but for some reason I was so emotional about it this morning... I was on the verge of tears because my heart was sad. I know that its not a huge deal, but it just made me sad today. And I texted 2 of my super duper friends who happen to be Speech therapists and they were comforting, reassuring and supportive (xoxoxo Amy & Mary) I even texted HIS speech therapist because I felt comfortable in doing so.... just to tell her I was sad about it. She reassured me it is a common subject that parents of apraxic kids feel sad/concerned about.

In the end... I really broke down and cried, and cried... and cried about it when I was alone (ok, alone from the kids... some of my coworkers my have witnessed this as I got out of my car) because I just think it "hit" me that he really is far behind in these areas.

 I know, I know, it could be worse. Sure it could. And I thank my lucky stars every.single.day. how lucky I am that my kids are my kids... but he's still my son and I'm still his mom and I feel bad he's struggled. The speech issues, his ear issues, all compacted into this...
and I was sad for him that as a preschooler, he can't sing with his friends in class, he can't sing along to silly songs with mommy and Paige... he wants to... but he can't....

And, I had an emotional Mommy meltdown this morning....

2 comments:

Candice said...

Oh, Kendra! I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Just know that we have have our mommy melt downs. I'm sending positive thoughts your way :) Stay strong!

Sippy Cup Mom said...

HUGS mama! Hayden was diagnosed with a developmental delay and he goes to speech therapy and occupational therapy. I have cried and had my meltdowns too! We deserve them too!