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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

it was so bad I dont even have a title for it

Last night... it was probably the worst moment in my book as a mom.
One of those nights that I probably shouldn't "record" the memory of - but I am venting, admitting, releasing... and BREATHING...

I will start it off by saying I've had a horrendous head cold all weekend and I am very, very tired so my tolerance for anything was probably low to begin with...

However...

Last night Paige was screaming, screaming, screaming.... I am normally pretty good and patient and the one who spends the most time soothing her. Last night, I COULD NOT...I just didn't have it in me. Jason, quickly observed this and took the baby from me and told me "just go" because he knew I needed to walk away.

So, I went upstairs shut myself in the bedroom to watch DVR'd episodes of Project Runway. Meanwhile, the cat is stepping in front of me, on me, nudging me, stepping in front of me, on me... etc... I was FREAKING OUT! I needed SPACE! I was claustrophobic in my house last night.

Connor - crying, whining, - too early for bed but oh man he was tired.

I seriously thought I was going to lose.my.shit last night. I don't know what happened...I just cracked last night. I finished watching my shows... Paige finally settled down, Connor went to bed - Cried for a bit in protest - but he eventually settled down. And the cats started to annoy me less too...

But before that...I just wanted to run.
Luckily Jason saw my frustration peak and just sent me to time out....
Of course, later on once all was quiet and Paige was cooing and smiling at us I cried -- because I always cry and feel guilty for ever reaching such a high frustration level...

but I was going mental last night - and it was so bad I don't even have a name for it.

6 comments:

Jennifer said...

Aw that stinks. I can imagine how it can get to you. I'm sure its ok.

One Pork Chop said...

Yep, been there, many times. The other night was pretty bad for me, too. Anna was crying, the dog was outside barking, my husband was sitting on the couch watching Smallville. I had a "snapped" moment and lost it. We've all been there as moms. Hugs for you!

Leslie said...

I've been told that you can DVR your chee...glad it worked!

Mel said...

Oh honey, don't beat yourself up over it. In my almost 12 years of being a mom, I have had more than a few of those moments. And it's great that you have a hubby who is able to recognize when you really need that break and help out. {{{hugs}}}

Mary P said...

Would a margarita help? :0)

love and hugs mama...

kadensmommy said...

I had a night like this last week...I can absolutely relate! take care of you and thank goodness you have a wonderful hubby to *gets you* and can help take care of you as well! xo